i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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