u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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