Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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