Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
