so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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