she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
