News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
