i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
