Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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