good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
