You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
