spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
