I didn't shave. On purpose
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
