I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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