I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
