I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
