I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
