I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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