Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
