Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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