i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
