Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
