i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
