If i come over, it means nothing
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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