Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
