im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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