Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
