im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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