Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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