I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
As shirtless as possible
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
