thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
