I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
