I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
