I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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