Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
