what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
