I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
