you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
