I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
