fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
