she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
