Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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