Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
