he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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