Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize