omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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