dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
