rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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