I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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