I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize