I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
