I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
