I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
