oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
