just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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