we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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