quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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