The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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