At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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