you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
