I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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