it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
