i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
