I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
