I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
