brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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