After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
