I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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