The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
