a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
