Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
love makes seman taste better
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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